goodnight archive

Back when cohost was alive and well I had a page simply named "goodnight" that I created after having a dream where I made a very similar page, and it featured short pieces of writing that all had custom CSS visuals. This was my first experience working with CSS code, and there's a good chance this site wouldn't exist without this experience.

Since it was announced that cohost would be shutting down as of October 2024, I've gathered up all the posts made for the page and compiled them below.

In my dream last night

me and my mother were driving through some forested area
on a road that was floating high above the ground.

Whenever I looked out the window
scattered all across the roadside
were tons of grand religious symbols,

just sitting there, discarded.

I didn't recognize any of them.

I had to take a real late bus home last night, since the meeting ended up going a few hours too long.

For the majority of the ride, the only people on it were

me,

the driver,

and two men,
huddled together in the very back,
occasionally mumbling things to each other.

I didn't catch most of what they said. I fell asleep halfway through the ride.

but,
a little while later, when I slowly started drifting back into consciousness,
through the haziness, I recall one of them saying

"Well, he won't be saying that when the sun comes up."

and they laughed
and didn't say another word for the rest of the time I was there.

It's morning, now.
I wonder what it was that he isn't saying anymore.

It was late at night

and I was half-asleep on the couch,
watching you play video games.

the TV was the only light on in the house

At some point, the phone rang
and you went to go pick it up

and I was left staring at the character on the screen,
who was idly bouncing around

After a little bit,
he turned around to look behind him
and for just a moment, we locked eyes.

I guess he was looking for you,

and he found me instead.

i didn't know anyone very well at the time,
so i usually just played on the server late at night,
when no one was online.

almost every night, i'd wander around
alone in the dark
for hours on end.

if anyone else was ever online, we didn't speak to each other.

it's funny, in hindsight.

eventually, i did get to know everyone.
i'd get pulled into voice calls where i'd just silently listen along
i don't know what you thought of me at the time,
or if you did at all.

somehow, despite the fact that i was basically a stranger,
i felt like less of an outsider than i do now.

. . .

it was a short time, but i like to remember it.
i think even just the possibility of being around people was enough for me.
that was all i needed.

i had a dream where i was sitting in a cafe
staring out the storefront windows
watching people pass by.

almost everyone blended together
and i couldn't recall them clearly

but there was one woman
an old lady in a big red coat
she passed by maybe 5 different times

on the last time
she glanced at me
and then moved on

and that was that.

I woke up pretty suddenly.

Or more, just, abruptly faded into consciousness.
There was a tangible transition there, from being in the middle of a dream to being awake.
It wasn't black and white, just fast enough to seem like it.

While between the two states,
I found myself desperately grasping at two different concepts in my mind
that had been planted in my dream.

My heart was pounding,
or maybe I was just too aware of my body.
Either way, it felt so important to draw a meaning
out of these ideas
that I had already forgotten the moment I began to wake up.

Like drawing lines in the sand
at the same time the tide's washing them away,

like being given a key and important instructions
but not remembering what it goes to, or who even gave it to you,

I didn't remember a thing from my dream.

Maybe it was important, or maybe not.

I just know I felt like I was close to understanding something, and now I've already forgot.

sometimes
i would put on the same music i would listen to back then
and wander around the empty maps
vaguely resembling the place we called home

it was a weird feeling
like i was bringing something back from the dead

a divine act of digital necromancy

a location untouched from how we left it

with not a drop of blood left inside.

for whatever reason, it felt wrong to do, but i did it anyway
i just wanted to feel something, i guess.
and it worked well enough.

but,
the last time i tried it

i didn't feel anything at all

i guess in my eyes the moment finally died

in the same way it did for you.

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